Who’s Way is Best


Who’s way is best? I want to do it my way and my spouse wants to do it their way.  How do we decide which way is best.

If 2+8=10 and 5+5=10 which way is the best way to get to 10.  Sometimes the way you’ve always done it won’t work for you as a couple.

couple fighting resolution

Who’s way is the best way. Arguing is not the way to solve this issue. Communication in marriage is.

Often, the way we want to do something is a result of our upbringing. We’re convinced we are doing it the best way because that is how we were taught to do it.

For most things in marriage there are many ways to get the job done. For instance, you can mow the grass in one direction, on an angle, from the middle out or from the outside in.

What is the goal? To get the grass mowed so your neighbors don’t start leaving you nasty notes! You might prefer one method over the other but does it really matter how you do it, if it gets done?

There are a host of tasks around the house that have a goal, and the way you get there is just a matter of preference.

Let’s look at an example.

Johnny Does it This Way

Little Johnny was raised by a father that said, “Son, we need to get to 10 today. Now there are lots of ways to get to 10 but the very best way is to add 2+8. That’s how my father taught me to get to 10 and how I’ve always done it.  In fact, my grandfather always added 2+8 when he needed to get to 10”. Johnny says, “got it, dad. 2+8=10”.

Mary Does it This Way

Little Mary was raised by a mother who told her, “Sweetie, we need to get to 10 today and the best way to do that is to add 5+5. In fact, my mother always added 5+5 and her mother always added 5+5 when they needed to get to 10. It’s fair for everyone so you can see that the very best way to get to 10 is to add 5+5”. Mary agrees!

Now What Do We Do

Little Johnny and Mary grow up and get married. Everything is going great until one day they need to get to 10 as a couple.

What happens? Johnny says, “Don’t worry dear, my father prepared me for this day. I know how to get to 10, we’ll add 2+8”.

Mary is shocked and says, “We can’t add 2+8, we HAVE to add 5+5, that is the best way to get to 10”. Johnny says, “No, 2+8”, Mary says, “5+5” and so on, and so on, and…you get the picture. Eventually someone says something like “you only want to do it that way to make me mad”!

Perhaps the very best way for Johnny and Mary to get to 10 as a couple is to add 6+4 or 7+3. Or it could be best for them to add 2+8 or 5+5. The important thing is they communicate about it and decide what works best for them as a couple.

Remember, the goal is to get the task done and that is the most important thing.  How you do it is secondary to getting it done!

What is something you and your spouse have argued about that is really just a preference, or just the way you were raised?

Try looking at it from a new perspective…as a goal to be accomplished…and talk with your spouse to figure out what works best for the two of you.

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