How Nurture Affects Your Marriage

By Bruce Wilbanks

How Does Nurture Effect Us As Adults?

How Nurture Affects A Marriage – Often, the way we want to do something is a result of our upbringing. We’re convinced we are doing it the right way. For some things there are many ways to get the job done. You can mow the grass in one direction, on an angle, from the middle out or from the outside in. What is the goal? To get the grass mowed so your neighbors don’t start leaving you notes! Does it really matter how you do it, if it gets done? There are a host of tasks around the house that have a goal, and the way you get there is just a matter of preference.

Example: How Nurture Affects Marriage

Let’s look at an example. Little Johnny was raised by a father that said, “Son, we need to get to 10 today. Now there are lots of ways to get to 10 but the very best way is to add 2+8. That’s how my father taught me to get to 10 and how I’ve always done it, and his father before him always added 2+8 when he needed to get to 10”. Johnny says, “got it, dad. 2+8=10”.

 

Example 2: The Effect of Nurture

Little Mary was raised by a mother who told her, “Sweetie, we need to get to 10 today and the best way to do that is to add 5+5. In fact, my mother always added 5+5 and her mother always added 5+5 when they needed to get to 10. It’s fair for everyone so you can see that the very best way to get to 10 is to add 5+5”. Mary agrees!

How Does Nurture Play Out In Marriage?

Little Johnny and Mary grow up and get married. Everything is going great until one day they need to get to 10 as a couple. What happens? Johnny says, “I know how to get to 10, we’ll add 2+8”. But Mary is shocked and she says, “We can’t add 2+8, we HAVE to add 5+5, that is the best way to get to 10”. Johnny says, “No, 2+8”, Mary says, “5+5” and so on, and so on, and…you get the picture.

Communicate Through These Experiences

Perhaps the very best way for Johnny and Mary to get to 10 as a couple is to add 6+4 or 7+3. Or it could be the best way for them is to add 2+8 or 5+5. The important thing is they communicate about it and decide what works for them as a couple.

What is something you and your spouse have argued about that is really just a preference, or just the way you were raised? Try looking at it from a new perspective…as a goal to be accomplished…and talk with your spouse to figure out what works best for the two of you.

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